Passage adapted from "Feminist Perspectives in Therapy" by Judith Worell & Pam Remer
Traditional Wives
In traditional marriages, women have been expected to assume the role of wife as a major goal in their lives. Social expectations, as well as legal requirements, encouraged the woman to change her name, give up her interests and friends in favor of those of her husband, move to her husband’s residence and relocate with his employment changes, and to depend on him for economic security, social status, and personal identity. The loss of personal identity through marriage has been reflected in the traditional reference to a married woman as “Mrs” followed by her husband’s last name. In traditional marriages, women are younger, smaller, and less educated than their husbands, further encouraging the woman to depend upon her husband for protection and support.
In most parts of the Western world, legal aspects of the marital contract provided the woman with limited rights to jointly-owned property, family finances, and freedom from marital rape and physical abuse. According to social convention, her major occupational role is that of a housewife, a position which is accompanied by low social status, little recognition, and no direct pay. Her major rewards come through keeping a clean home, raising accomplished children, and being a “good wife”. She is able to gain social recognition and status mainly through her husband’s occupation and achievements.
Although their work within the home holds no exchange value as a marketable commodity, women contribute to their husbands’ careers and achievements by freeing them from home and child-care responsibilities. Wives have typically served as a housekeeper, cook, child-care worker, nurse, social secretary, transportation agent, and general keeper of the peace. Husbands have expected that in return for their part in providing economic support, their wives would provide for them a haven of rest and tranquility.
Variations in aspects of the traditional wife role may have been found according to both ethnic group and socioeconomic status. Black women, for example, have typically worked outside the home, and therefore have been less dependent upon husbands for economic support and social status. Prevailing social mores and marital laws, however, have generally supported a system in which a woman’s social and legal positions were subordinate to those of her husband.
Changing Views of Marriage
As women’s goals for marriage become more egalitarian, the role expectations for “wife” have been modified. Increased education and career plans encourage the wife to consider her needs, plans, and goals, as well as those of her family. She increases her expectations for equal sharing of household tasks, child-care, and decision-making. She may also expand her conceptualization of the ideal marital relationship, becoming more concerned with achieving a sharing and communal partnership. She may begin to view the marriage as one in which companionship, communication, friendship, and intimacy are important parts of the contract. These expanded expectations may put added burdens on some relationships that were launched with more traditional conceptions of wife, as helpmate, and homemaker by one or both partners.
As woman increasingly seek equality in their intimate relationships, men have experienced pressure to make some adjustments in their concepts of marriage. Most research finds that men remain more traditional than women in their ideals of marital relationships. Men, more than women, prefer that their spouse remain at home and not be employed full-time, and few men want an employed wife when there are preschool children in the home. Women who intend to pursue full-time careers following marriage are still viewed as the least desirable mates.
Contemporary Marriage
The women’s movement challenged the ideal of a husband-dominated marital arrangement and spurred on both legal and social modifications in marital roles. In the United States, as well as in other Western countries, many of the laws that denied financial property and personal rights to married women have been removed, and women have been changing their expectations for the marital relationship. As women delay marriage in favor of increased educational and career development, their expectations for the marital relationship also change. Adding the roles of paid worker and educated person on the marital contract decreases women’s traditional economic dependency and encourages them to regard the relationship in a more egalitarian manner.
The majority of contemporary marriages in the United States are dual-earner relationships, however, in which women are working both for economic support and personal satisfaction. New approaches to role-sharing in marriage require that both partners remain flexible and open to alternatives. The fact that women in dual-earner marriages continue to assume the major share of household and childcare duties, as we shall see, results in potential role strain and is a source of continuing dissatisfaction for many women. Studies on marital satisfaction reveal that where a discrepancy exists between the spouses, it is usually the wife who expresses discontent. Although modern marriages assume both traditional and non-traditional forms, many couples are struggling to resolve the balance of role-sharing and division of tasks in their relationships. In most traditional marriages, in which the wife chooses the role of full-time homemaker, satisfaction may generally be high for both spouses, although somewhat more for the husband. Wives who either stay home because their husbands expect them to do so or work outside the home by necessity rather than choice, experience more distress and depression than wives in traditional or egalitarian relationships.
In favor of the more egalitarian marriage, there is evidence that husbands and wives who are both employed by choice and who share household duties may experience the greatest mutual psychological benefits of marriage and the least degree of personal stress.
Traditional Mothers
In almost all societies, women are given primary responsibility for childcare. Women’s reproductive capabilities and ability to nurse the infant, of course, made them the more likely candidates for the mothering job. Until recently, women had little control over their reproductive functioning and were likely to spend a substantial portion of their lives pregnant, nursing, or caring for minor children.
In the role of “primary parent”, mothers have been helped accountable for the progress as well as the problems of their offspring. Mothers have been typically idealized as the all-loving, caring, accepting, sacrificing, and ever-present parent, and have been expected to place the needs of their children above those of their own. Mothers who worked outside the home were held responsible for obtaining appropriate childcare and were expected to leave work when the child was ill. But mothers who placed their children in daycare have also been seen as putting their children at great psychological risk. Although recent studies have demonstrated amply that appropriate daycare may be just as advantageous to children’s development as full-time care with a primary parent, both the lay public and the professional community continue to place responsibility on the woman when problems arise.
Mothers have been blamed for over 72 kinds of psychopathology in their children. In comparison to mothers or both parents, fathers were least likely to be seen as responsible for the personality and behavior problems of their children. Mothers have been blamed for spending too little time (neglect) or too much time (overprotection) with their children, for providing insufficient love (maternal deprivation) or excessive love (maternal smothering), for disciplining too much (the demanding mother) or for providing too little control (the indulgent mother).
The traditional role of mother, then, left the woman with a tenuous and risky path to achieving recognition and personal fulfillment, since she was expected to attain these goals through her children. Studies of marital satisfaction indicate that satisfaction is highest either before the birth of children, or following their departure in late adolescence. Consistent evidence suggests that the constant care of young children, in particular, has negative effects on women’s psychological well-being and is associated with both depression and physiological symptoms. Full-time housewives whose children are all in school are best with low self-esteem and high psychological symptomology. Although the rewards of motherhood may be high, the costs are also considerable.
New Options for Motherhood
The introduction of widely available birth control methods and increased options for elective termination of pregnancy have contributed to the contemporary phenomenon of delay in marriage and childbearing, reduction in the number of children in families, and a rise involuntary childlessness. As a result of increased life periods during which women are freed from childcare responsibilities, personal choice has been expanded and more options for lifespan personal development are available to women.
Changing expectations about wife/mother roles are revealed in studies with both high-school seniors anticipating their future lives, and with older adult women at varying stages in their life development. Studies have found that students believe that parenting should be shared by mothers and fathers, and that fathers should not be relieved of childcare involvement. In the areas of household tasks, there is some discrepancy in the expectations of women and men for egalitarian role assumption; fewer men than women rate equal sharing for household tasks as desirable or at least acceptable.
Despite these changes in family expectations and the timing and structure of parenthood, women who become mothers are still assuming the majority of responsibilities for the family care of children and for the multiple tasks involved in running a household. Traditionally female tasks, such as everyday family cooking, cleaning up after meals, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, purchasing food, caring for preschool children and for children after school hours and when they are ill, are still assumed primarily by wives, regardless of whether or not they are employed outside the home. Even in households in which both parents are employed full-time, only 30% of the fathers in a recent study participated meaningfully in both household and childcare tasks.
The data from many sources suggests that although attitudes about women’s roles have become less traditional with regard to mothering and household responsibilities, in practice women remain the primary parents and the major keepers of the home. The influence of this division of labor on the process and outcomes of children’s socialization and on women’s experiences of stress and “role strain” are considerable. The expectation that a woman will be the primary parent also influences child-custody decisions following divorce and the status and well-being of women who become single parents.
- Passage adapted from "Feminist Perspectives in Therapy" by Judith Worell & Pam Remer